A reader writes on the Prolapse Party...

A new political Party is now on the scene in Jersey. 

Three ‘political heavyweights’ feature as the faces of the party.

Senator Steve Pallett has put himself forward as party leader. As an established sea swimmer, Steve doesn’t mind being thrown in at the deep end - he’ll be used to weathering the choppy waters of local politics. Talking to JMlR, the Senator said that they did not have any particular policies, as they were hoping members of the public would come forward and write their platitudes for them. He added that he wanted the Party to be a ‘broad church’, so it seems that the party will seek cater for a wide palate of political tastes. Mr Pallett, who has been a vocal critic of the John le Fondré government, and spoke strongly in favour of the Vote of No Confidence against the Chief Minister, said that they did not want to be an opposition. “Just see us as a critical friend,…but without the friend bit.”

Deputy Steve Luce has been appointed Chief Party Whip. He explained to JMLR that he is particularly well placed for this role, as he has been a life long fan of Indiana Jones, and has an actual replica whip and hat which he acquired many years ago on a family holiday to Universal Studios. He said that he would not be afraid to use it to give party colleagues a good Lash if anyone steps out of line. He added, ‘There is only room for one Luce cannon in the Party, and that’s me.’

Taxi Drivers will think that all their Christmases have come at once, with the appointment of Eddie Know-All as the Party Treasurer. An accountant by trade, it is hoped that Eddie will know the cost of everything and the value of being a team player, as he takes up his new role at the party helm. Known to be an ambitious politician, he is looking for a political comeback that may even see him as Chief Minister – if so, he would be the First Noel to take on that prestigious post.

Other newbies are also hoping to make a name for themselves, getting elected on the coat tails of these three political giants:

• Former Chef de Police, Mo Pertwee has been appointed as head of the St Clement Party Branch. His main driver is the preservation of Green Lanes in the Parish, and dealing with excess speeding.
• St Brelade shop owner, Ken Hervé-Parkes has been chosen to be in charge of the St Brelade Branch
• Local historian and conservationist Ray Cystwill lead the campaigns for the country parishes.

Asking for quality candidates to come forward for the 2022 elections, Progess Jersey's Equality Officer, Les Bihan, said that the party were considering allowing women to join the party, but it would need to be put to a vote of the interim committee before that could happen. 'We believe that there is no reason why a woman shouldn't be candidates, but they would need to be elected on merit, not just because they weren't called Steve.'

Anyone wishing to join the party is asked to contact Frank Walker or Philip Ozouf in the first instance.